Tales from Target

Friday is my day off which means braving the pre-Christmas crowds at Target to do a little shopping.

If you are a writer- you eavesdrop on conversations, or at least tune your ears to pick up the interesting ones. Here’s a sampling of today’s gems.

Young boy with Mother shopping in cosmetics aisle:

“Mamma does Elf make E.L.F?

“Don’t open that up Mamma, you’ll get us kicked out of here.”

(Mom is comparing to eyeshadow)-

“Mamma who made the world?”  

“Um…” 

“Mamma, did God make the world?”

“Um, that’s a good question. I really need to think before I answer that.”

Two women stop right behind me at the holiday lights.

“So I have to look for these LED lights that Jim gave us.”

“Did you get another thing from Jim? “

“Yes, every time he upgrades something, he gives the old stuff to us.”

“Like that flat screen in your den?”

“Only Steve benefited from that one. I watch t.v. in the bedroom.”

Woman in housewares is talking on a red phone to customer service.

“Hey, did you know about this?” (asking the woman rolling the cart in front of me in the aisle.)

“Um, excuse me?”

“Do you know about this? If you need help, just pick up the red phone, yup this red phone here (brandishing receiver,) and they will send someone right over here to help. Now don’t forget, use the red phone!”

Woman with cart nods politely and disappears quickly up a side aisle.

British man walks by me in holiday section mumbling,

“Now I won’t be able to find her, she’s wandered away again.” (Female voice, British accent, calls out from the next aisle,) “Lovey where are you?”

Man sighs, “Now she is over there. Coming!”

They stand and discuss the Holiday Lawn decorations.

“Is that a bear?”   “No I think it’s a moose or maybe a reindeer?”

“I like the moose, but look they are all gone.”

“There’s this one. Let’s get this one.” (pointing to display.)

“You can’t take the display! It isn’t done!”

“I don’t know I think you can just grab it.”

“No, no! You must at least ask someone.” 

“Oh, yes. I suppose you’re right. Oh you sir. Please help us.”

(Asks worker at Target if they can purchase the display.)

“Yes sir, you can purchase the floor display. Let me go get the box from the back.”

“Well, he was a nice chap, wouldn’t you say lovey? We are going to have to remove these holiday Hydrangeas to make room for the moose.” (Points to two potted Poinsettias in cart.) FYI: They never figured out they were purchasing a bear wearing reindeer antlers, not a moose.

After that I decided to call it a day.

@annettealaine2016

 

 

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