Tales of a Receptionist

The phone rang at the office.

“Good afternoon, Our Lady of the River Church. This is Lindy, how can I help you?

“Hello, hello, is anyone there? George I don’t know if this is a live person or one of them dang answering  machines, HELLO?”

“Hello? Ma’m this is Lindy. May I help you?”

“Oh, yes. Well hello. George, its a real lady on the phone. Okay, hush George I’ll ask her. Is this the church on the River? We’re looking for that church that’s on the river.”

“Um, yes ma’m we are located on River Road and the church sits on the riverbank.”

“Oh, that’s good. George, it’s the right church. She says the church is sitting in the river. What? I don’t know why it’s in the river. Okay, I’ll ask. Honey, how does a church sit in the river?

“No, ma’m. The church is situated on the riverbank, not in the river. The river is down the hill, but you can see it from the lawn.”

“George, the church is on the ground. It’s fine. You won’t need your life jacket.”

“So, honey we are new to town. We just moved her from DesMoines, Iowa. Can you beat that?” We moved all the way down here to Florida. Well we sold the farm and moved here to be with our son. We didn’t farm anymore. We just lived in the house, The farm has been gone for years.
Okay, George, I’ll get to the point. So honey we used to attend the big church in town and now we’ve moved her to be next to our son, and we want to go to church. Where exactly is your church? We live in the Plantation. The phone book says you are near the Plantation. Where are you located, honey?”

“Yes ma’m we’re close by, and welcome to Florida! So, the church is just a short drive down Ponce de Leon Avenue. Then you turn left at the Burger King. That’s Palm Drive. Turn left again at the end of Palm Drive onto River Road. You will see the church on your right.”

“George, you gotta drive down Ponce de Leon Avenue. Have we ever driven down Ponce de Leon Avenue?

“Ma’m? Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“Oh, sorry honey. Now, what time are your services?”

“8am, 9:15 Sunday School and 10:30am.”

“Okay, that’s great. Do you have a coffee hour so we can meet people?”

“Yes, ma’m, we have a breakfast after the 8:00 service.”

“George, they have BREAKFAST! Now do you have groups? You know, like Ladies Aid, or the Guild?”

“Yes, we have many groups: prayer groups, bible study, guild, St. Elizabeth’s Circle, Servants of the Lord.”

“Oh, you have Servants of the Lord? Oh, that’s wonderful. In De Moines, I was pretty important. I was in so many groups. I was the chief editor of our monthly newsletters. I got those articles all written and prepared the whole newsletter with a little help, of course. But, I am so efficient that I did most of the work myself.”

“That’s wonderful. Well, if there are no other questions, I hope to see you both at church on Sunday.”

“Oh, hold on honey. I wonder if you could do me a very big favor? Could you give my husband the directions to the church”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“George! George! Come talk to this nice lady.”

“Hello? This is George Castle, I live at 1323 Plantation Oaks Drive, and I’ve been to the Target and I’ve driven down Cortez Boulevard, and headed south. We had to take our Schnauzer, Petey, to the Petco. Are you near the Petco? Oh, we have a GPS in our car.”

“Sir, if you input the address to the church in your GPS, I promise you will have no problem finding the church.”

“Your not near the Petco?” I thought you were on Cortez. I’ve driven south on Cortez.”

“No, sir, we are not near the Petco. Our address is 16651 Old River Road. Do you need to write that down.”

“Hold on. Ok say those numbers slowly. Wait Petey, stop barking. Barb? Shut the dog up, I can’t hear this lady talk.”

“Ok, I’ve got it. Ok 16651. Got it. Thank you miss. Now can you tell me where the Walmart is?”

© annettealaine-2013

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