Gut Reaction

I was miserable, clenching my middle section and moaning in acute pain. Gall bladder? Colitis? Ulcer?

I went to bed convinced that I had brought this upon myself through my incessant worrying about the stuff that has me feeling uptight and stressed out.

In the darkness of the room, I spoke to myself (and to anyone else up there who may be listening in.)

I soothed myself by repeating the same thing I used to tell my children when they were small and frightened, “everything is alright.” I slowly stroked my sore belly as I repeated this simple mantra over and over, until I could feel the tension slowly leaving my body.

Then I began to whisper softly the words I needed to hear: “you have done your best with the tools and resources you were given at the time. You are loved. You have fought a good fight. Things are happening as they should.”

And the most important words that stumbled from my lips without conscious thought,

“You need to step aside and let the universe work its magic.”

That revelation stopped me cold. Of course, I had done everything I was humanly capable of trying. Everything has been put into motion. It was time to jump aboard the train, and let it take me to my next adventure.

My life has slowly been heading towards a major shift, after a few years of stops and starts. I can feel the shifting of the status quo. I’m scared, but excited to finally stop running and embrace the next stage.

I slept peacefully, but the stomach was still weak in the a.m. Turns out half a dozen work mates have had the same bug.

I’m thankful it wasn’t stress related, but I don’t think it’s coincidence that this virus forced me to stop, reflect and let go of the fear that I had been bottling up the last few weeks.

© annettealaine-2012

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